hard.

Tonight may have easily been one of the hardest nights of my entire life. So much pain and sorrow. So many tears. But tonight I received something I needed. Closure. I was quiet tonight. Real quiet. I didn't talk to anyone. I didn't have anything to say. Pretty sure everyone knew not to talk to me either once they saw my face. The tears started about 5 minutes after I got into the mortuary. Sometimes it was hysterics. Other times it was more calm. Fortunately I had lots of shoulders to lean on. Parker. Todd. Spencer. Marques. Zach. They were all so good to me. Tonight made things a lot more real. Seeing a dead, discolored body that barely resembles someone that you love and used to be one of your best friends is a quick realization that he is really gone. It's not just a bad idea anymore. It is real. After 4 years of friendship I had never met Greg's parents. I'd heard of them. I knew who they were. My parents know them. We had just never been formally introduced. As you can imagine I was pretty nervous and scared for this introduction. I was scared that they wouldn't understand how close Greg and I were. I thought they just wouldn't know. I was preparing to feel real stupid when they saw how hard I was crying and they didn't even know who I was. Upon arriving at his mother she leaned in for a hug without knowing who I was. I quickly said "I don't think you know who I am. I'm Melanie." I was going to continue to explain that Greg and I were great friends. I didn't have to say another word. She quickly pulled me in closer and cried. hard. She knew exactly who I was. She held me and shared some words with me that I really needed to hear. After having the same experience with his dad, I felt at peace. They knew who I was. They knew how close Greg and I were and how much we loved each other. Unfortunately I feel like they were consoling me more than I was them. But their words gave me strength. Tomorrow will be hard. But after that I can start to mend up this little broken heart of mine. It's ok to remember him. It's ok to miss him. But I have to move on with life. I can't continue to cry off all of my make-up daily. I have some special ways that I will be remembering Greg by. Look forward to my next post. Now off to bed so I can rest before tomorrow. After the funeral I'm catching a flight to meet up with my fam in San Fran. Hopefully the person seated next to me will have tolerance for my uncontrollable tears.

Life is short.
And you never know when someone you love will be gone.
I couldn't be more grateful that I went home for the 4th and got to see one of my best friends for 10 minutes.
I'll sure miss you, Greg.
I can't thank you enough for your friendship.
Since you've been home from the mission things haven't been like they used to be. Texting has been our form of communication.
It's hard to think I was texting you earlier this week.
Our memories are forever.
These next few weeks won't be the most fun.
I don't like to think about it.
Just know I will always remember you.
I probably won't watch the new Batman cause it will remind me of you.
I will forever live by our motto: "WHY SO SERIOUS?!"
I will dedicate my car to you since we have the same one.
I'll re-read your letters from the mission and remember why your letters were my favorite ones to get.
I'll still pride myself in getting the first letter out of all of our friends. They were all jealous.
I'll go to disneyland and ride Pirates of the Caribbean 20 times just for you.
I'll remember our inside jokes like "put it up, put it up"
I'm going to hang the picture you drew me up in my bedroom and look at it often.
I'm still going to try and set our siblings up ;)
I'll look forward to seeing you very shortly.
love you Greg!

Looking Forward

............ to AUGUST!!!!

So many things are happening in August that I am so excited for!

• Friends are getting home from missions!! Christian and Chase I cannot wait to see your faces! Homecomings galore! It's about time!
• SHARON GETS BACK!!!! 
• Other people get back! Including new peeps that i'm excited to have down here so I can expand my friend circle. Nate, Chase and Cameron-that is you.
• Sister becomes a teen (ok not something i'm particularly excited about but something that happens nontheless)
• School starts!! I don't think I have ever been excited for school to start haha but I am ready! 
• More people in Provo aka more dating options
• Target Employee Appreciation month!-- nothing great unfortunately but a nice little discount on target brand items
• One month closer to Rascal Flatts!!! Check that off my bucket list!

Well thats all for now. But thats what i'm looking forward to right now. Too bad it isn't like a trip to New York or something but I guess that will have to wait til Thanksgiving... Right mom and dad?!? ;)

**Sidenote: Jimmer's dad and sister came into Target today and I spied on them the whole time. Helped them find Mylicon Drops for baby Tyler. I was freaking out. 

why me.........

So tonight i went to go enjoy myself some wizardry and witchcraft.

First of all it took a lot of effort to get there. Between wrong show times and 3d vs. 2d and people wanting to go see transformers 3, convincing harry upon these peeps was difficult stuff.

Then about an hour and a half into the movie an obnoxious buzzing noise starts going off and we are told that an emergency has taken place and we must evacuate. Come to find out there was a threat to blow up the building. Awesome. So we stayed and waited it out while all of the cops and firemen did their thing cause they said they might restart them... well then it turned 12:45 and we decided there was no chance. So now I have to go watch the whole first half again and still have NO IDEA what is going to happen!! (no, i didn't read the books, so don't spill the beans!) At least i got a discount for being a student AND didn't pay for the 3D version.

I literally am left at a cliffhanger right now. It's not even funny! I have so many unanswered questions and I  am just living in suspense... I guess i better go monday morning so i can finish it!


Better luck next time.

Jungle Speed

... a game that makes my world go round!

and i just got it in the mail! Ready for some more intense game nights!

"used to"

These words have seemed to haunt me lately.

I used to be a cheerleader.
I used to be skinnier.
I used to get straight A's.
I used to have friends.
I used to play the piano. (ok i still kinda do)
I used to have a social life.
I used to have no worries.
I used to not have a job.
I used to be young.

well now mostly none of those things are true anymore but i've found it is time to start accepting my new life and the new me.

I am old.
I am grown up and have to be responsible now.
College is hard. But like they always say C's get degrees! thats great... but c's don't get me into pharmacy school.
I don't have friends.
I'm not a social butterfly.
I spend most of my free time on the couch by myself.

but i'm learning to be okay with it! I'm finding lots of things to do. I will have you all know i finally finished my Thomas S. Monson biography today!! yes, it did in fact take me 9 months to finish. It wasn't my highest priority in life obviously but definitely a great book! Glad to finally have it finished! now to finish the BOM before school starts!

Did i mention i'm excited for school to start? Didn't think I would ever say it but i'm ready to get a move on.

Stadium was on Fire.

Yes. I attended the stadium of fire this evening. No need to explain myself, i'm obsessed with Brad Paisley.  Of course it was a must for me. Although i regret to say he did not sing my favorite song "Then" i moved on and enjoyed my night.

David Archuleta was a doll- what else would he be? he is so tender. I couldn't help but feel like one of those 12 year old girls swooning over him. Sure he was a little awkward but I'll forgive him.

The fireworks were off the heezy. So good and so loud. and so close to our faces. I LOVE fireworks! I was just telling linds today how they make me feel sentimental. How could life be any better? A warm, beautiful, summer night watching fireworks in the land of the FREE. I love fireworks. They make me remember how blessed I am. (as weird as that sounds)

Living within walking distance of the stadium is a giant plus. I didn't have to wait a second in bad traffic. One of my biggest pet peeves in life.

I witnessed the stadium almost catch on fire. No joke. I saw a fire. Thought it was sketchy and then 2 minutes later i see firemen RUNNING to it with water bottles. hahahaha i was dying.

Then of course you can't forget when the parachuter took out the camera man on his landing haha i think you had to be there to truly appreciate all of these great moments.

And i can't complain about my company either. Thanks Doug! :)

Coming home for the 4th. Can't wait! I'm surprising the fam!