Jazmer

Well it's been awhile..

You would think with all of my free time I would blog more... But I guess I don't have much to blog about. So I'll start with my room that I said I was remodeling way back when..

Before:

After:

those bottom two items still have to be hung on the empty wall above it but I need a hammer..

Also I just signed a contract for a new apt. for next year. Starting in August. It is brand new. How new you ask? So new that it is still being built. 1600 square feet. Granite counter tops. Washer and dryer. Dang.. this girl is freakin excited!!

I will also never take wearing jeans for granted ever again. I went about 4 weeks without them. Wearing them makes me feel like a normal person again. Too bad they hurt like a mother. They rub against my scars and hurt me badly. Also my brace slides down them and makes it super hard to walk. Ask me how long it took to get them on....

On a good note, I got to start riding a bike. ouch. But I love it cause it makes me feel normal. Sure my speed is so slow that the machine always turns off on me but I don't care. 

NOW... for the name of this post. Jazmer. Jazz+Jimmer=love. I'm going to the Jazz game tomorrow!! I'm so excited to see Jimmer again I will probably cry. Or scream real loud. I'm hoping for a Jimmer-20+ game and a Jazz win! Not too much to ask for right??

Also good luck to my cougs as they play a huge game against St. Mary's. I should be camping out in a tent right now for this game! I'm so bummed! I wish I was going! oh wait.... no I don't... I'm going to see Jimmer instead!!

I went out with girls from work tonight and it was so good to get out of the house and do something fun! On the countdown to being able to drive thats for sure!

Peace and love.

oh wait... watch this please. She is my favorite. I watch her all day.

I dare you.

Lately I have been mentally making a list of all of the things that I wish I could do. Something like this definitely makes you realize the small things you regularly take for granted.

Here are some things I'm wishing I could do:

• Sleep. And how bout under the covers for a double wammy.
• Drive a car. 
• walk around campus at regular speed, pain free
• ride a bike
• sit normally in a chair
• Shower pain free
• Go to the bathroom in 20 seconds. Still takes me about 2 minutes.
• Lift my ankle off the ground
• kneel
• squat
• play the piano
• dance like a freak
• get into a car in .5 seconds
• so many other things.

I dare you to take a shower on one leg. No weight on one leg. and keeping it completely straight. Let me know how that works for ya and then let me know how your other leg's hip feels? 

Sometimes I actually forget I'm handicapped. Like today when Sharon and I got home and had to pee super bad. Well.. I trekked up the stairs and then threw all of my stuff down and basically attempted running down the hall. Only took half a step to realize that wasn't going to work... Yet another inconvenience. 

Since I've been off crutches I have terrible pain in my left hip and lower back from extra stress on those spots I guess. Good news is I just hit 3 weeks!  Hopefully halfway! We'll see after my doc appt. on monday!

Cha-cha-cha-changing

I'm remodeling my bedroom starting tomorrow. It is time for a change of scenery. I will post before and after pictures. I've thought about it for awhile now but I just keep putting it off. I figure if I post something on here then it will hold me more accountable. Just give me a few days to figure things out and find some supplies that I need. Caaaan't wait.

P.S.
Fab game cougs! I will be coming to see you Thursday even if it kills me. It's been too long.

Inspired

I love when people are inspired. Whether they know it or not.

I don't think I realized how draining this surgery would be.... in every aspect of the word. But especially emotionally. I always feel like I'm on the verge of tears for some reason. Especially tonight when I guess it hit me... My social life has plummeted to the depths of despair. I mean I can't drive anywhere, heck I can barely get into a car. I struggle walking and I have this giant brace on my leg that makes me a complete annoyance and burden. Why would someone want to do anything with me when I can't do anything. It's more of a pain for the both of us. So instead I sit at home alone while everyone else is out doing fun things. It was fine at first. Now it's starting to get to me. Loneliness is setting in. (I would say depression but my mom would take it literally and call me all worried ha ha i'm fine, mom!)

So anyways, I was sitting here wondering what I should do while I was stretching my leg and started to be on the verge of tears... But then some people were inspired. Right as i'm thinking about how big of a loser i am my phone starts ringing. I figured it would be my family since they are the only people that call me besides Parker.. but no. I was completely surprised. It was an old friend. A great friend. Someone I only get to talk to probably once every 3 months. But someone that I know really cares about me. It was Trevor. He called to wish me a Happy New Year. 15 days late... really? who does that? Inspired. Then about 57 seconds after I hung up with him there was a knock at the door. A guy from the ward came to stop by. One who makes me laugh really hard. And then there's my bestie who took the time to text me back and let me know she cares about me even though she was with her boy and becoming official. You know who you are ;)

I honestly know that my Heavenly Father knows me. I know He's watching out for me and taking care of all my needs. I'm so grateful. Thanks to you 3 that were inspired and helped me survive tearless. 4 more weeks.

Diagnosis

Since I have been locked up inside for practically 3 weeks now, I have diagnosed myself with ADD.

I can't focus or concentrate. I get distracted super easily. There is only so much Harry Potter I can read before I just can't read anymore!

Therefore, this weekend is bound to be the death of me. I got out of school at 11 on friday and I only have one class on tuesday that is at 1. Basically I don't have school again till wednesday, and that is just great!

Let's just say I have major cabin fever. I thought just being able to sit on the couch and have nothing to do would be great. But that greatness has faded. I can't even go to BYU basketball games for heavens sake. My heart just breaks. Instead I get to stay home by myself and do my exercises and writhe in pain. It's awesome.

I have been "productive" though, haha if you can even call it that. Yesterday I crafted. It is in the other room and I haven't taken a picture so just imagine it...

But Utah obviously... and it is pink n black. my only problem is my string pulled on my heart so my heart is kind of deformed... But i'm past the point of caring. I'm just proud of myself for finishing a project. 

Also, I finished Harry Potter #4 and watched movies 3 and 4 so i'm all caught up now. Now i'm going to try and cruise through 5 during this weekend. However it will be hard tonight since I have so many glorious things on TV. Someone is watching out for me and knows I'm stuck on the couch!

6:00-BYU
7:00-Sac Kings. aka Jimmer
8:00-TEBOWWW

I'm one excited girl!

Anyways, as for my leg... I'm off crutches!!!!!! It is great. But walking is still miserable. My incisions look a lot better. And my therapist got my knee to a 90 degree angle without my brace on! ouch. I'm still in quite a bit of pain. Especially during the night. My quad muscles are still hiding, but today I've had some major muscle spasms in that area so i'm just gonna be grateful for the pain and hope that is a good thing. As soon as those muscles decide to be my friend again then I'll be in good shape. Until then my leg will still be basically paralyzed.

Uppy-date

Well I suppose I will give you all an update on my leg since I have nothing else I can do...

First I will explain surgery. I have been asked a lot lately about what exactly I had done. Everyone just assumes ACL repair but... not even close.

So my procedure was called a medial reef, lateral release, tibial tubercle transfer. They scoped me like an ACL repair so they could release the tendons and ligaments on the lateral side and then they tightened the tendons and ligaments on the medial side. Then they went in and cut out my tibial tubercle (a bumpy chunk of bone) and moved it over and screwed that chunk of bone back in with two big screws.

Tomorrow it will have been 2 weeks. I can't believe it has only been that long! It has felt like years!

What started out looking like this:

 Has turned into looking like this:

Not too bad considering last weeks pictures! I think it has healed up quite nicely.  I do still have a lot of awful bruising though. ..

But that will go away soon enough. 

While doing my exercises I can bend my knee to a 90 degree angle for a few seconds. Even though it hurts like no other I'm still proud of myself!

That is my leg bended if you can't tell.

My leg is definitely getting stronger. I can do all of my exercises except one.... and that one is kind of an important one... I have no quad muscle control. I can't lift my leg up. Or lower it. Or anything. I can do side leg lifts and back leg lifts but that is all. I have to walk down the wall to try and get my knee to 90 degrees and that is the worst pain of all. But I feel like I am progressing pretty well despite two close calls on the stairs today! I even took 3 steps without my crutches :)

I never thought I would have to reteach myself how to use my muscles or walk for that matter. 

I start real physical therapy tomorrow morning. Wish me luck!

Love, Your Cripple

two-zero-one-one

Well.. I figure it is time to reflect on my year and I guess share it with ya'll. So here it goes.

• Started the year out with a bang by getting robbed on my birthday. To this day I still get calls from the people working on the case asking for a bunch of information.. So stupid. Goodbye laptop, Ipod, Iclicker, School ID, and cute backpack. Thank heavens for amazing parents that replaced it all.
• Spent countless hours in a tent at the Marriott Center soaking up the best BYU mens basketball season in history. Honestly looking back those games were some of the best moments of my life. I'm so glad I got to experience it!
• I got to attend some fabulous concerts including He is We... honestly one of the best concerts I have ever been to. I sang every word. I love them! Then Stadium of Fire to bring my Brad Paisley total up to 3, and then Rascal Flatts, which was on my bucket list. 
• I went on two trips to California.. One with Aubrey in May. We went all over SoCal including Newport beach, San Diego, LA, Disneyland, and much more. It was a blast! The second time was with my family in August when we went to San Francisco. Such a crazy, busy city! Places like that make me realize i'm a country girl for sure.
• Lost my very dear friend, Greg, and through it gained a greater testimony of the Atonement and the Plan of Salvation. Grateful for the opportunity to grow and learn through this difficult time. Sure miss ya Greggor!
• Did I mention I went to a lot of BYU basketball games? Oh good... cause I didn't miss one the whole season. 
• Attended the temple weekly for 8 months of the year.... struggled the last 4, oops.
• Decided to graduate from BYU and found out I'm on track to graduate next spring. Glorious. 
• Started reading Harry Potter for the very first time. Addicted. Now I understand all of the hype.
• Fell in love with Modern Family and i'm pretty sure i got my family hooked as well.
• I had my first real surgery on my right knee. First time on crutches and everything brutal that comes with it. Sure can't wait to do the other leg... not. 

Well i guess looking back it was a pretty boring year. Nothing too exciting or fun, but oh well. I'll make 2012 better! :)

Neglect.

I have neglected my blog the last month. I'm sorry. It's kind of been a crazy little while.

I finished finals and worked a few days and then I headed home for the break. I got to spend some time with friends and family over the weekend and then of course it was CHRISTMAS.

Christmas was wonderful. Santa spoiled me silly. Then monday I was able to catch up with a good friend that just got home from his mission and of course prepare for surgery.

Tuesday was the big day! I went in feeling great and left wishing I were dead. Ha that is hardly an exaggeration. The week following I remained on the couch for the most part, hobbling from place to place and bossing my family around.

I had my post-op yesterday and got my staples and stitches out. That was nice. It sure didn't feel nice, but it was worth it after they were out.

Before surgery:

A week after:

Now I'm just crutching around campus like a boss. Too bad I look retarded. I have yet to drop a crutch on campus though so that is what I call a success. I think I slept 5 hours last night. My record so far. Now if only physical therapy wasn't so painful....