hard.

Tonight may have easily been one of the hardest nights of my entire life. So much pain and sorrow. So many tears. But tonight I received something I needed. Closure. I was quiet tonight. Real quiet. I didn't talk to anyone. I didn't have anything to say. Pretty sure everyone knew not to talk to me either once they saw my face. The tears started about 5 minutes after I got into the mortuary. Sometimes it was hysterics. Other times it was more calm. Fortunately I had lots of shoulders to lean on. Parker. Todd. Spencer. Marques. Zach. They were all so good to me. Tonight made things a lot more real. Seeing a dead, discolored body that barely resembles someone that you love and used to be one of your best friends is a quick realization that he is really gone. It's not just a bad idea anymore. It is real. After 4 years of friendship I had never met Greg's parents. I'd heard of them. I knew who they were. My parents know them. We had just never been formally introduced. As you can imagine I was pretty nervous and scared for this introduction. I was scared that they wouldn't understand how close Greg and I were. I thought they just wouldn't know. I was preparing to feel real stupid when they saw how hard I was crying and they didn't even know who I was. Upon arriving at his mother she leaned in for a hug without knowing who I was. I quickly said "I don't think you know who I am. I'm Melanie." I was going to continue to explain that Greg and I were great friends. I didn't have to say another word. She quickly pulled me in closer and cried. hard. She knew exactly who I was. She held me and shared some words with me that I really needed to hear. After having the same experience with his dad, I felt at peace. They knew who I was. They knew how close Greg and I were and how much we loved each other. Unfortunately I feel like they were consoling me more than I was them. But their words gave me strength. Tomorrow will be hard. But after that I can start to mend up this little broken heart of mine. It's ok to remember him. It's ok to miss him. But I have to move on with life. I can't continue to cry off all of my make-up daily. I have some special ways that I will be remembering Greg by. Look forward to my next post. Now off to bed so I can rest before tomorrow. After the funeral I'm catching a flight to meet up with my fam in San Fran. Hopefully the person seated next to me will have tolerance for my uncontrollable tears.