Haunted.

Seems like a harsh word for what I'm about to say, but sums up how I feel quite perfectly. I thought that after the viewing and funeral were done the hard part would be over. Well I was dead wrong about that. I think it has gotten worse. It has seemed the past month or so I have been "haunted" by Greg memories. I say haunted because they are the bad memories. The painful ones that bring the tears. I hate to say it but sometimes I still cry myself to sleep. Nights like tonight when I have a hard time falling asleep are the worst. I find myself laying in bed looking at this:

Over the past few months I've tried to make a point to be real tired before I get in bed. I've got to distract myself otherwise to avoid a sleepless night. Things will hit me at different times. Sometimes it doesn't take much.

• going to my first viewing since--seeing a casket/mourning family/etc.
• hearing a song we sang at the funeral like 'Be Still My Soul'
• singing 'How Great Thou Art' at stake conference which all of guys sang at the funeral.
• The song 'If I Die Young' is like a swear word in my apt or car. Sharon is conditioned to immediately change the song no matter where we are (even on the neighbor's computer--thank you!) but when you are ice skating and the song comes on there isn't much you can do but cover your ears. And then there goes my night.
• Opening my email to find a whole bunch of pictures like these from a friend

• Driving to Logan being so close to Blacksmith Fork Canyon.
• Realizing I don't get to go find the funniest Christmas card possible and send it to Greg and convince him that I win in our annual attempt to give each other the funnier one. He's convinced he won last year but I beg to differ since it took me 10 minutes to even understand. 

Luckily I've gotten really good at saving my tears for the bedroom. I think my cute little BYU boys from Vocal Point said it best on the Sing Off... (P.S. Don't you love them? They better win. Also sidenote, the redhead girl from Delilah, yeah i know her. We go bowling together).

I'll be missing you Greggor